Skip to main content

The Art and Science of Giving and Receiving


The wrapping paper lays crumpled and strewn around the living room...you look at the tree in the corner and make plans to take it down before all of the needles become scattered throughout the house...you relish in the new memories created this past holiday season as you look towards the coming of 2013.  A new year, the symbol of do-overs and fresh starts in life.

I love watching the faces of my kids, friends and loved ones as they open the "perfect" gift I chose for that person.  Whether it is the camping equipment for my step-son or the perfect socks for my daughter or the hammock for my son this past Christmas, it fills me with such great joy as I got it right!  How often do we get it "right" for us?  How often do we do for ourselves?
 

Women, the great caretakers of the world.  Naturally wired in our brains and chemistry...we nurture...others.  When it comes time to be the receiver of caretaking...we resist, we detour to the next available person, we give and give and give.  I believe the airlines instructions to put your mask on yourself first in the case of an emergency were directly written for women!  Now, if only life had such clear instructions...our personal pink tags might read:

"Handle with care.  Though we endure rugged handling and can independently steel for the worse, handle with care.  Relax, rest, renew often."

We need to be the first to follow these instructions in life.  The year after my sister died, I went to therapy to deal with the intense grief that followed.  In one of the sessions, my gentle therapist made me take out my calendar and set a very important appointment.  It read:  "10am, ME" on the next Wednesday following my appointment with her.  I put it in my calendar in pen and her instructions were clear...under no circumstances would any appointment I had that week be more important.  No client, no loved one, no errand to run.  I was to go to a quiet spot for one hour and just be.  I could journal, I could sit, I could listen to inspiring music.  Self-care rides a fine line with self-ish for many women.  What is the difference?

I believe is lies in the intention.  If you strive to care for self so that you may be more available to do care for others...self-care.  If you strive only to care for self with little regard for others...selfish.  If you set boundaries, plan time alone, say "no" to the right things so you can say "yes" at the right time...self-care.  If you need to unplug from over-caretaking, over-doing, to preserve you...self-care.

As we move into this new year of change, "do-overs" and growth...take time for self, receive from others.  In doing so you allow others to give in a way that feels good.  You renew and refresh so that you better serve others from a place of health.  Release and receive so that you may step out from control and into serenity....I do hope you join us for Fanning The Flame...a women's retreat all about YOU! An extreme advance into self-care.  Best of YOU in 2013!
www.hotpinkyou.com
Christie Gause-Bemis works as a psychotherapist in Central Wisconsin.  She is co-owner of Hot Pink YOUniversity and proudly seeks to empower women to be the best she can be in life!
 

Comments

Post a Comment

We would love to hear from you! Hot Pink YOUniversity encourages you to comment and be heard!

Popular posts from this blog

Radical Self-Love: Part Three of Four

Part Three of Four Parts on Radical Self-Love Give Yourself the Gift of Forgiveness I once did something in my life so bad, so unforgiving...even just thinking back to it, makes me shudder and ask myself, "What the hell was I thinking?!"   I mean, this behavior was so against my values, my philosophy of life, that it bolted me out of self-love into self-loathing for quite some time...won't even share what it is...that's how bad! We've all done some things in life that when we look back at the video of our lives...it makes us want to block that little chunk out.   Or, maybe we react with rationalization or justification to our deed, "Well, he....", "Well, I did that, but what she did was so much worse." or "I wouldn't have done that if....." .   Wouldn't it be a heck of a lot easier to just admit our mistake, ask for forgiveness and move on.   Time heals all wounds...even the wounds we create.   People do move o
Post a Comment
Read more

Have You Heard the News

The News We Don't Always Hear When you travel, you are immersed in the culture of the people.  Included in that culture is the news that does not always make the American papers.  On day two, we visit the central area of Guatemala city and at market is this small memorial.  Crosses, ashes in the center, flowers and a board painted with three girls swinging on swings all surrounding a central memorial plaque. Extending to the memorial are two ladders with the names of the 41 orphaned girls killed in a fire at an orphanage.  A mother of one of the girls stands vigil over the memorial, cooking and selling some food as people pass by and stumble upon the place honoring the young girls' lives.   When we use the term orphans in America, there are no parents.  Unicef estimates that of the 132 million orphans in the world, only 10% don't have parents.(1)  Conditions of poverty force parents across the world to leave their children to the social welfare systems of the co
Post a Comment
Read more

Radical Self-Love: Part Four of Four

Radical S elf-Love:  Part Four of Four Photograph by Christie Gause-Bemis   Imagine being asked out on a date with that one person in your life you are most excited to share your time with.   The anticipation, the thought put into your hair, your make-up, your outfit and your attitude, your personal pep-talk.   Now, imagine that date is with yourself....who more important to primp and prep for? When I turned 29, it was a milestone for me.   One more foot towards 30; but, more importantly, I was now older than my big sister.   She passed away the day after her 29th birthday party after a long battle with brain cancer, and here I was, alive and grateful.   I always wanted a surprise birthday party and remembered the one we had given my sister for her 29th.   I wondered, who, if anyone, would ever give me a surprise birthday party.   I know, a weird dream from childhood.   I decided that year, "why wait?".   Why wait for that special someone to come into my life
Post a Comment
Read more