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The Art and Science of Giving and Receiving


The wrapping paper lays crumpled and strewn around the living room...you look at the tree in the corner and make plans to take it down before all of the needles become scattered throughout the house...you relish in the new memories created this past holiday season as you look towards the coming of 2013.  A new year, the symbol of do-overs and fresh starts in life.

I love watching the faces of my kids, friends and loved ones as they open the "perfect" gift I chose for that person.  Whether it is the camping equipment for my step-son or the perfect socks for my daughter or the hammock for my son this past Christmas, it fills me with such great joy as I got it right!  How often do we get it "right" for us?  How often do we do for ourselves?
 

Women, the great caretakers of the world.  Naturally wired in our brains and chemistry...we nurture...others.  When it comes time to be the receiver of caretaking...we resist, we detour to the next available person, we give and give and give.  I believe the airlines instructions to put your mask on yourself first in the case of an emergency were directly written for women!  Now, if only life had such clear instructions...our personal pink tags might read:

"Handle with care.  Though we endure rugged handling and can independently steel for the worse, handle with care.  Relax, rest, renew often."

We need to be the first to follow these instructions in life.  The year after my sister died, I went to therapy to deal with the intense grief that followed.  In one of the sessions, my gentle therapist made me take out my calendar and set a very important appointment.  It read:  "10am, ME" on the next Wednesday following my appointment with her.  I put it in my calendar in pen and her instructions were clear...under no circumstances would any appointment I had that week be more important.  No client, no loved one, no errand to run.  I was to go to a quiet spot for one hour and just be.  I could journal, I could sit, I could listen to inspiring music.  Self-care rides a fine line with self-ish for many women.  What is the difference?

I believe is lies in the intention.  If you strive to care for self so that you may be more available to do care for others...self-care.  If you strive only to care for self with little regard for others...selfish.  If you set boundaries, plan time alone, say "no" to the right things so you can say "yes" at the right time...self-care.  If you need to unplug from over-caretaking, over-doing, to preserve you...self-care.

As we move into this new year of change, "do-overs" and growth...take time for self, receive from others.  In doing so you allow others to give in a way that feels good.  You renew and refresh so that you better serve others from a place of health.  Release and receive so that you may step out from control and into serenity....I do hope you join us for Fanning The Flame...a women's retreat all about YOU! An extreme advance into self-care.  Best of YOU in 2013!
www.hotpinkyou.com
Christie Gause-Bemis works as a psychotherapist in Central Wisconsin.  She is co-owner of Hot Pink YOUniversity and proudly seeks to empower women to be the best she can be in life!
 

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