ASK!

Authored by:  Christie Bemis

I wrote this on the Saturday before Mother's Day and wanted to share this as we leave spring and move into summer.  I am hoping it will inspire you!

As this Mother's Week wraps up...yes, you read that right....in my home I lovingly refer to the week before Mother's Day as Mother's week, I am basking in the glory of being a mom.  Last night, my son and I went to a concert together. Today, my daughter and I will spend some quality time together, a bike ride or a snuggle with a movie....we will see what the weather allows.  And, tomorrow, I will wake up and wait and wait and wait, listening to the noises of my kids in the kitchen making me crepes with strawberries and banana foster topping.  And....yes, there's more, there will be the perfect gift and dinner on the grill.

So, how did this magic  happen?  Are my kids just exceptional?  Did they get some kind of bizarre gene that included Mother's Day kindness?  No, none of these things are accurate....I vsiualized what made me feel loved as a mother, and, get this....I asked for it.

Now, I run across a lot of women...a mean a gazillion or more, that say this, "If I have to ask for it, it's not worth it."  or "If I ask for exactly what I want, it doesn't have as much meaning when I get it."  And it makes my mouth hang open like "what?"

I am big into manifesting....visualizing what I want, asking the universe for what I need and desire.  But, manifesting does not stop there...it is not passive thoughts.  Manifesting is action.  Manifesting is asking not just the universe, but real live people.  Manifesting is assertive.

On Monday of Mother's week, I told my son that I had seen one of my favorite local bands, Green Tea opening a show for Tommy and High Pilots, a band I have not heard of out of Santa Barbara.  I said to Luke, "We should go...it would be nice for Mother's Day."  Now, did my teenage son excitedly say, "That sounds great mom...I am really looking forward to it!"  Ahh, no.  But, on Friday he called me from disc golf after school and asked me what time he should be home for our "thing".  And, he was home on time and he did go.  He watched the show quietly, but I saw his foot tap to the beat and he made comments here and there about the piano player or the drummer.  Halfway through Tommy and Hightops, I turned to him and asked if he wanted to stay or go and he just kind of shrugged his shoulders in non-commital way, so I took that as "stay".  And we did, til the end of the show.  As we left I said, "They were really good."  And Luke agreed.

I took that to mean, he had a great time.  See, as a therapist, I get to read all kinds of things and my two new favorites are The Female Brain and The Male Brain by Louanne Brizendine, a recommended read for all you mamas out there...or wives....or girlfriends....etc.....It helped me understand the adolescent male brain is wired for excitement.  And, hanging out with mom is not a favorite thing.  I don't take it personally.  Fighting against biological wiring will get us nowhere, embracing the reality and working with it flows much nicer.  

I asked for breakfast, the same every year.  I set my family up for success by providing them with the recipes, the ingredients stocked, and I make sure the night before I bring in plenty of reading material to keep me busy in the morning while I wait for the tray to come with crepes and berries and a mimosa on the side with fresh coffee to go along with the first cup that was brought in earlier as I opened my eyes.  And, I see the pride on my kids face as they got it right for me, the fresh cut flower I know will be there as well.  How do I know this?  I asked.

Christie Bemis is a co-founder of Hot Pink YOUniversity and a psychotherapist in private practice.  She is a mom of two and step-mom of three and seeks to live this thought:  "If you do not live the life you believe, you will soon believe the life you live."